


Daddy Issues

by Humansunshine



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angry Magnus Bane, Crack, Domestic Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Immortal Alec Lightwood, M/M, This is ridiculous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-21 07:27:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14279955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Humansunshine/pseuds/Humansunshine
Summary: Asmodeus drops by for a visit, and stays for dinner.





	Daddy Issues

**Author's Note:**

> I blame my twitter groupchat for this. This is SILLY but I had fun writing it so I thought I'd share it :')

Magnus was snoozing on the sofa when Asmodeus came to visit him in New York. It had been a long day and an even longer week, and he’d wanted a quick nap before Alec got home and they went out to dinner. When he felt something poking him, at first he batted it away, mumbling that he’d be awake in a moment. 

“Are you ill, Maggie?” Asmodeus asked, and Magnus jolted upright, magic crackling in the palms of his hands as he wrenched his eyes open. 

Asmodeus was standing over him, head tilted to the side like a hawk appraising a mouse on the field below it. Magnus waited with his magic, eyes darting around to check for evidence that Alec was home. His boots weren’t by the front door, and his coat wasn’t on the hook. With a wave of relief so potent it made him dizzy, Magnus concluded that Alec hadn’t been here when Asmodeus appeared.

“Well? Are you ill?” The demon pressed, and Magnus squinted at him. 

“No… I was just tired.” 

Asmodeus grinned. “Getting old, are we? How long has it been? Two hundred years? Three hundred?” 

“What are you doing here?” Magnus demanded, getting up slowly from the sofa. Asmodeus shrugged, checking his fingernails as he wandered around the coffee table, the two of them circling the room in tandem. 

“Can’t a well-intentioned demon drop by on his favourite son every now and then?” 

“No.” Magnus answered. “You don’t leave Edom for social calls. What do you want?” 

Asmodeus rolled his eyes, and Magnus’ eye twitched. “You’re always looking for a fight, aren’t you?”

“If you’re not here for a reason, then kindly leave. You messed things up enough last time you were here.” 

“Oh, it wasn’t that big of a deal…” 

“You started the French Revolution! Millions of people died!” Magnus yelped.

Asmodeus shrugged. “It all worked out fine in the end, it’s not like the mundanes went extinct…” 

Magnus rolled his eyes. 

“If you must know,” Asmodeus sighed, as long-suffering as ever, casting himself dramatically down onto the sofa that Magnus had just got up from, “I came to meet the little mortal that’s powerful enough to send Lilith crawling back to hell and tame my infamously hedonistic little boy.” 

Magnus’ eyes flashed with anger. “You stay away from Alexander.” 

“Relax, Maggie, I only want to talk to the boy. Perhaps give him a gift.” 

“He isn’t interested in gaining any kind of demonic power, thank you very much.” Magnus insisted, summoning magic to his hands once more. “Nice of you to drop by, now get out.” 

Asmodeus pursed his lips. “Maggie, darling, you know you can’t answer on his behalf. He has to answer for himself. Who’d have thought you’d be such a controlling boyfriend?” 

“I know Alexander, and he would never-”

Asmodeus grinned, showing all of his pearly white teeth. “You also said that you’d never get involved in Edom’s business again, but there you were, roaming around without telling me, looking for ways to stop Lilith. I’m hurt you didn’t stop by the palace.”

“The palace?!” Magnus barked out a laugh. “Is that what you’re calling it now?!”

“We could have had tea.” 

Magnus scoffed, shaking his head. “Well, Alec isn’t here. So there’s no point in you sticking around.” 

Asmodeus looked around, as if that hadn’t occurred to him until that moment. “I suppose you’re right,” he allowed, and disappeared in a puff of navy smoke. 

After a tense moment of waiting for the ‘gotcha!’, Magnus relaxed his defensive stance, dropping his arms back down to his sides. He dug in his pocket for his phone and called Alec, his heart racing. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was nice to be out on patrol.

Alec never, ever thought that he’d ever think those words. Not in a million years did he ever imagine that there’d come a time where wandering around the streets of New York checking for demonic activity would be anything less than mind-numbingly boring. And yet here he was, on his first patrol in months, because Izzy had needed to go to an emergency addiction meeting. He was actually rather enjoying it; he had a new appreciation for the mundane culture of New York since he’d started dating Magnus, and every other block in Manhattan held a memory of his boyfriend, now. 

“Excuse me, do you have the time?” 

Alec turned to see a tall, slim Asian man in a deep navy suit, looking at him with deep interest. His lizard brain supplied that the man was achingly attractive, with a strong jaw, lush shoulder-length hair and ring-adorned hands that Alec would be drooling over were it not for the fact that he already had a breathtakingly beautiful boyfriend waiting for him at home. Alec snapped his gaze back up to the stranger’s eyes, and smiled nervously.

“Uhh, it’s four-fifty-five.” Alec answered once he’d given his watch a quick glance. 

“Hmm. My thanks.” The stranger said, and Alec nodded, shoving his hands deep in his pockets as he went to walk on. The stranger grabbed him by the elbow, and Alec arched his eyebrow. “I’m sorry, it’s just that you’re extraordinarily handsome.” 

Alec laughed, squirming out of the stranger’s hold. “Thanks, but I have a boyfriend. A boyfriend who’s actually waiting for me right now, so…” 

“Oh, of course you do. Of course. He’s a lucky man,” the stranger smiled, before tilting his head to the side curiously.

“I’m luckier.” Alec shrugged.

The stranger gave him a slow, odd smile. “That’s very sweet. Well… I’ll see you around.” 

With that, the stranger walked away towards the subway.

Alec stood there for a moment, watching the slim silhouette disappear into the crowd. He looked down at himself, then looked in the shop window next to him. There was nothing particularly striking about anything he was wearing. He looked the same as he always did.

“Huh,” Alec smiled, feeling thoroughly pleased with himself, and started to make his way home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Babe? You home?” Alec asked, toeing off his shoes as he hung up his jacket.

Magnus poked his head around the apothecary door and practically ran at him, clutching him tightly. Alec chuckled, eyebrows raised. Seriously, did he have some kind of sex pollen on him today?

“You’re safe. Thank God. I’ve been calling you, where have you been?!” Magnus demanded, pulling back to check Alec over, giving him light touches to his cheek, neck, chest and waist. 

“Uhhh, I was on patrol, I told you, Izzy had to go to a meeting. My phone died. I’m not late, am I? I thought we said five…” Alec frowned, confused as to why Magnus was fussing over him like he’d just crawled out of a car wreck. “Magnus, what’s going on?”

Magnus wheeled away, his fingers massaging his forehead. “Asmodeus is in New York. And he’s after you.” 

“What?!” Alec asked, eyes going wide. “Why me?!”

“Because you brought down Lilith, and…” Magnus rolled his eyes, “he’s ‘impressed’ that you ‘tamed me.’ He wants to give you a ‘gift.’ Some kind of curse, probably. We have to hide you, Alexander.” 

“Wait…” Alec narrowed his eyes, putting a hand out to stop Magnus where he’d been pacing. “What does Asmodeus look like in human form?” 

Magnus swallowed hard. “Asian, obviously, tall, slender, well-dressed, square jaw… Have you seen him?” 

Alec walked past Magnus to the drinks cart, pouring himself a glass of wine. “He hit on me.” 

“He what?!”

“He asked me for the time, while I was on patrol. He…” Alec drained the glass with one long gulp. “He said I was ‘extraordinarily handsome.’ There I was practically skipping home because a hot older man flirted with me, and-”

Magnus grimaced. “You thought he was hot?”

“Well… Yes, objectively, he was hot. I have eyes, Magnus! You got your looks from somewhere!” Alec panicked, pouring himself another glass of wine. 

“I can’t argue with that…” Magnus sighed, taking the glass from Alec’s hand and downing it himself. “The question is, how are we going to hide you from him?” 

“What’s the point of hiding me? We know he’s not going to hurt me, otherwise he would have done it already.” 

“He’s a smart boy, Maggie, you should listen to him,” Asmodeus volunteered, leaning against the door to the kitchen. 

Both Alec and Magnus leapt into action, Alec diving for his bow and quiver while Magnus shot a blast of magic at the greater demon. Asmodeus flicked it aside with two fingers, the ball of magic smashing into the wall next to him. Alec shot an arrow off as he’d done with Azazel, but Asmodeus was clearly smarter, and blasted it to dust. Alec’s mouth fell open. 

“Are you quite finished with your dramatics?” Asmodeus asked the two of them, looking mildly displeased. Magnus and Alec looked at each other hopelessly. “Right, well, both of you, go and wash up. Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.”

“Dinner?” Magnus repeated, eyebrows furrowing.

Alec lowered his bow, watching Asmodeus suspiciously. “You have to know that neither of us are going to eat anything you give us, right?”

“You think I’d bother to poison you if I wanted you dead?” Asmodeus laughed, enchanted by the little mortal who was glaring at him so fiercely. “Oh, my sweet innocent boy, if I were to kill you I’d have much more fun than a simple poisoning. Magnus must have told you about my love of theatre.” 

“I didn’t tell him anything about you except for the fact that you’re an evil son of a bitch.” Magnus snapped, stepping protectively in front of Alec. “And neither of us have any interest in spending time with you.” 

Asmodeus put his hand to his chest. “Why, Maggie, that’s almost hurtful.” 

“Good!”

“Magnus,” Alec muttered, “he could smite us both if we piss him off too much. Maybe we should just have dinner with him.” 

“He does have a point,” Asmodeus agreed, “you’ve been nothing but disrespectful to me since I arrived, Maggie, it’s awfully rude. Who’d have thought a shadowhunter would be the voice of reason in this situation?” 

Magnus looked between Alec’s unsure face and Asmodeus’ impatient one, and let his shoulders slump. “Fine. Fine. We’ll have dinner with you.” 

Asmodeus smiled, clapping his hands together. “Excellent! Now, wash up! And don’t even think about sending for anyone else, I’ll know if you do. This dinner is for family only.” 

“I’m family?” Alec blurted out, and Asmodeus quirked an eyebrow at him. 

“You have ambitions of marrying my son, don’t you?” 

“Uhhh…” Alec’s face flamed red, and he looked up at the ceiling to avoid Magnus’ shocked expression. They hadn’t broached the topic of marriage yet, though they’d both basically vowed to be together forever. But Alec had no idea if a mundane wedding ceremony was something that Magnus would be interested in.

“Oh, oopsie daisy, have I spilled the beans a little prematurely?” 

Magnus groaned in frustration, clenching his fists. “Do you have to ruin everything good in my life?!”

“Always so dramatic,” Asmodeus tutted, booping Magnus’ nose. “He gets that from me, you know.” He told Alec with a wink. 

Alec put his hands on Magnus’ shoulders and guided him to the bathroom before father and son could get into another bickering match, and gave his boyfriend the most freaked out look he could muster the moment they were alone. Magnus sighed, and wrapped his hands around Alec’s wrists. 

“I know.” He muttered.

“The King of Edom is in our dining room!” Alec hissed, “what the bloody fuck are we supposed to do?! How do we kill him?!” 

Magnus clapped his hand over Alec’s mouth. “He can hear everything you’re thinking, let alone saying! You can’t kill him, he’s the King of Edom! Even if you could kill him, killing him would do more harm than good. What we need to do is convince him that there’s nothing fun here for him to do. If he gets bored, he’ll go home and continue tormenting people’s souls in Edom.” 

“Fuck,” Alec sighed, running his hand through his hair. “This is insane, this is utterly insane.” 

“I’m sorry, Alexander,” Magnus whispered. “This is too much, I know.”

“No, no, it’ll be fine! It’ll be fine!” Alec insisted, rubbing Magnus’ arm. “I mean, come on, you charmed my Mom, how hard can it be for me to charm your Dad, right? The… King… Of Edom…” 

Magnus grimaced.

“He already likes me, right? I mean, he hasn’t smited…? Smote? Smitten?”

“Smote,” Magnus supplied.

“Smote me! He could have, but he didn’t. So… I’m fine! Right?!” Alec asked, a little breathless from how freaked out he was.

Magnus put his hands on Alec’s cheeks. “Angel, if anyone can charm the King of Edom, it’s you. Just… Don’t mention the fact that you killed like a dozen of his nieces and nephews, and you’ll be fine.” 

“Nieces and nephews?”

“The asmodei…” Magnus reminded him, and Alec gulped.

“Fuck.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This isn’t human meat, is it?” Magnus asked as Asmodeus served their plates with a flourish, and Alec kicked him under the table. 

Asmodeus wrinkled his nose. “Heavens no, Maggie. Human meat is garbage, especially in this day and age. All those E-numbers and what have you. This is pork.” 

“Pork. Right. Well, it looks delicious, Mr… Mr Asmodeus.” Alec offered, fiddling with the edge of his napkin. 

“Oh, you are a peach.” 

Magnus let out a long breath through his nose. “So… How’s… Hell?” 

“I can’t complain,” Asmodeus sighed, before popping a forkful of food into his mouth. “Same old, really. I’m starting to get sick of it. It has been 5,000 years… I feel I’ve seen every possible reaction to every possible torture technique, it’s… Samey.” 

“I can imagine,” Alec laughed weakly, the sound trailing off into dead silence. 

The only sounds for a long moment came from forks scraping across plates and the ticking of the clock in Magnus’ study. 

“So, how did you two meet?” Asmodeus asked politely. 

Magnus pursed his lips. “He saved me from a rogue shadowhunter who was trying to kill me.” 

“Well, isn’t that sweet? A knight in shining armour.”

Alec shrugged. “It was more a joint effort, really. Magnus had him on the ropes.” 

“There is one thing I don’t understand. Tell me, Alec… May I call you Alec?” Asmodeus asked, pointing his fork at the shadowhunter.

“Uhh… Yes, of course.”

“Tell me, Alec, how in god’s name did a mortal like you manage to hold Maggie’s interest this long? He’s not exactly the most-”

“Oh, for God’s sake!” Magnus threw down his napkin. “Could you go twenty minutes without a snide comment?!”

“It’s not snide if it’s the truth, Maggie.” 

“Stop calling me Maggie, I’m not a child!” 

“I’m just curious! He’s just a boring old shadowhunter with an admittedly beautiful body, and-”

Alec laughed nervously, “h-how would you know that?”

The King of Edom smirked, and leaned across the table to meet Alec’s eye, before pointedly flicking his gaze down to Alec’s lap. “I see all, darling.”

Asmodeus’ food burst into flames, and Magnus’ shoulders heaved. Alec cleared his throat, delicately shuffling his chair forward a little like that would somehow help him avoid Asmodeus’ all seeing eyes.

“Leave. Now.” Magnus gritted out.

“Well, that’s impolite, Maggie. We’ve only just started eating.” Asmodeus snapped his fingers, and Alec flinched, but all that seemed to have changed was the food on Asmodeus’ plate; where there had been charred, smoking remnants of his meal, a brand new serving had appeared.

“I am literally going to kill myself,” Magnus announced, rubbing his temples.

Asmodeus tutted.

“It’s fine, Magnus. He’s just… Teasing me. Right?” Alec asked, peeking at the greater demon out of the corner of his eye.

“See, Alec understands it’s nothing personal. Just a bit of fun, is all. You’re a good son, really. We all have voracious appetites, we greater demons, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, Maggie.” Asmodeus shrugged, picking up his wine glass.

Magnus breathed in slowly, and back out, closing his eyes. “Please. Please don’t reference my sex life any more than you already have.”

“Of course, of course. As you wish.” Asmodeus drawled, bowing his head sarcastically to Magnus. “So why haven’t the two of you gotten married? Does Maggie have commitment issues? The Clave dragging their feet?”

“Well, to be fair, we haven’t discussed it yet,” Alec admitted.

“And I do not have commitment issues,” Magnus pointed out, picking up his knife and fork once more.

Asmodeus held up his hands in surrender. “All I know is you’re not exactly known for having the most stable relationships…”

“And whose fault is that, I wonder…” Magnus muttered bitterly.

“Well, it’s not my fault you’ve got Daddy issues, is it?” Asmodeus said primly, cutting into his pork.

Magnus stared at him from across the table, a blank expression on his face. “Yes! Yes it is!” He exclaimed suddenly, and Alec reached over to rub his knee.

Asmodeus slipped the piece of meat between his lips. “I hardly had a hand in raising you, I don’t see why I’m responsible for your psychological trauma.” 

“Are you-?!” 

“Babe, I need you in the kitchen!” Alec insisted, smiling at Asmodeus and yanking Magnus out of his chair by his wrist. 

Magnus was seething as Alec closed the kitchen door behind them, his glamour flickering. 

“Magnus, baby, come on. It’s just empty insults, baby, it doesn’t mean anything. You gotta stop letting him get to you.” Alec soothed, running his hands up and down the other man’s arms soothingly. “He’s just trying to get a rise out of you.” 

“It’s working,” Magnus hissed, clenching his jaw. “I know exactly what he’s doing. He’s trying to make me lose my temper so I scare you away and then he’ll swoop in and pluck you up to do some kind of deal.” 

Alec nodded, letting out a quiet sigh. “You have to know that’s never going to happen, don’t you? Nothing you could do would ever drive me away from you.” With a huff, Alec straightened his back. “Let’s get this over with.”

He walked back out into the dining room, and stood, arms crossed, over Asmodeus. 

“I know shadowhunters aren’t exactly raised to have manners, darling, but I’d appreciate it if you didn’t stand in my personal space.” Asmodeus stated, not sparing Alec a glance.

What kind of gift did you want to give me, Asmodeus? Just spit it out.” 

Asmodeus sighed like Alec’s demand was personally inconveniencing him, and set down his knife and fork, swivelling in his seat to face the shadowhunter. Magnus hovered behind Alec, ready to put up a protective barrier if the need arose. After carefully crossing his legs, Asmodeus rested his joined hands on his knee, and looked up at Alec.

“I am going to give you a choice of two gifts. One, I can tell you the exact date and time you are going to die, or I can tell you the exact date and time that Magnus is going to die. Now, these dates are flexible. You could save yourself, or you could save Magnus, but not both.” 

Of all the things Alec had expected, that was not one of them. He was visibly taken aback, and Magnus shook his head, putting his hand on Alec’s shoulder.

“Alexander, this is a bad idea.” 

Alec looked down at the floor, his eyebrows furrowed. If he chose himself, and the date was in the next thirty years, he could avoid it and spend more time with Magnus. However, if the date was in sixty years, he could just have died of old age, and there was nothing he could do about that. On the other hand, if he chose Magnus and it was in Alec’s lifetime, he could stop it. But if it was hundreds of years in the future, he’d have the security of knowing that Magnus was going to have a happy life after he was gone…

Magnus stepped around him, ducking down a little to meet Alec’s eyes. “Alec, listen to me. Whatever you hear, it won’t bring you any peace.”

“He has to choose one or I’ll choose myself,” Asmodeus hummed, tapping his thumb against his kneecap. 

“Then choose your death date,” Magnus pressed, “we know mine will probably be-”

“Do we?” Alec asked, eyebrows furrowing. “Magnus, we both live very dangerous lives. I want to know if you’re going to be safe…”

Magnus shook his head, running his hand through Alec’s hair. “I know that in every moment of our lives together, you are never going to let me die if there’s any way of avoiding it. So if I die in your lifetime, I am sure that you would not be able to prevent it no matter what. I believe that, Alexander. I believe in you. So please, give yourself that same commitment.” 

“I choose Magnus.” Alec insisted, giving Magnus an apologetic look but glancing past him to look at Asmodeus. 

Asmodeus smiled, getting up from his chair. “Well, that’s very noble. Of course, I am going to do the exact opposite of what you wanted, considering you murdered several members of my family in cold blood and banished Lilith and Azazel. You, Alexander Gideon Lightwood, are going to die on the 23rd April 2953.”

Alec and Magnus stared at each other.

“Well, that’s all I wanted! I’ll drop by again soon!” Asmodeus clapped his hands together. “I expect an invite to the wedding, Maggie.” 

Magnus just blinked at the puff of navy smoke where Asmodeus had been standing a second before, his mind reeling. Alec was going to live past 900? How was it possible? Was it a trick? Was he going to make Alec immortal? Was Alec going to be turned into a vampire?

“Magnus…”

“I don’t know.” 

Alec blew out a long breath. “Well… So much for the average shadowhunter lifespan being 49.” 

“Why…?” Magnus frowned, rubbing his temple. “Why aren’t you panicking?”

Alec tilted his head to the side. “Why would I be panicking? I just found out that I’m going to get to spend over 900 years with you. Assuming Asmodeus was telling the truth…” 

“But… Your family would be…”

“Everyone’s family dies, Magnus,” Alec pointed out, cupping Magnus’ cheek. “As long as I have you, I can get through anything.”

Magnus opened his mouth to argue, but found he had absolutely nothing to follow up with. Alec wanted to be with him forever. He hadn’t even had to consider it; he just accepted it as something that he wanted. It hit Magnus, leaving him breathless, that Alec Lightwood absolutely, utterly, completely loved him, despite everything. Despite Magnus’ past, his blood, his relatives, his flaws… Alec wanted him, always.

He felt tears fill his eyes, and flung his arms around Alec’s neck. “I love you so much, Alexander.”

Alec smiled brightly, digging his nose into the crook of Magnus’ neck. “I love you too… Maggie.”

“Don’t!” Magnus groaned, letting his forehead drop to the other man’s shoulder as Alec began to giggle.

**Author's Note:**

> I have some ideas for other encounters, so let me know if you'd be interested in that!


End file.
